Well, I have been following your posts - you naughty girls how dare you behave like this and get yourselves into so much trouble especially at this time of year when I have so much to do. Well the charitable and prim- and-proper person that I am, will make my services available to you FREE of charge. As you all have a disability I can act as your "appropriate adult" and make sure you're treated appropriately at the police station during your interviews. Mary, the officer showing you his truncheon - this is soo not on, and he is in breach of conduct frightening you like this - will definitely have something to say about that.

Yes, now there's the matter of court reports - seriously, you didn't think you were going to get away without being charged? You can't go round smashing shop windows, taking things and going around in a drunk and disorderly manner disturbing the peace, and expect nothing to happen. Mohamed Al Fayed insists upon taking the matter further and wants to go to court. As far as the law is concerned You are all in this together for aiding and abetting Jean. However, I will try and write favourable court reports, usually stuff: good character and upstanding citizens, oh yes the side effects of medication, and diminished responsibility, etc, etc, etc,

Amanda - sorry you will need to do more than going to confession to make this slate clean again... I don't know, fireman and snakes what ever next?!! Community service for you my lovely, and NO, bribing me with G&B and wine won't work!

For Jenni - I guess I'll have to write a vulnerable adult missing report - you girls have definitely led this poor soul astray and will need to be made accountable for your actions!!!

Now if I am to help you all, you'll need to promise me to be good tonight, or else I will have to resort to other measures that might entail such things as tagging and restraining orders, and other nasty stuff!!

Yours respectfully,

Mrs M Whitehouse

Hilarious - thanks everyone for making me laugh so much!

OK Doreen! Barbara needs to be on the invitation list for the hogmanay bash but we need to keep her on irn bru! (I wonder where Willie keeps the haggi as the irn bru will be with them?) We can have great fun with Barbara 'looking after' us!

Jenni! Was it a great night out or what? Dr Who and all! Cheek, having the Baileys home with you when others were thirsty! you must have had it hidden somewhere as you claimed that the bottle was empty!

OK girls, a week to go before we start planning the annual new year do! Doreen, best start filling in the crevices now. Jean, leave the chains at home, ditch the mohican and buy a bra! Can't wait to see what you are all wearing next week!


Eleanor x

ps: the garden centre has had to close the Santa reindeer ride. the reindeer still haven't recovered form their 'illness'. i blame Kathleen and that darned snake myself!

OK Eleanor, if you twist my arm, I'll keep an eye on you rowdy bunch, and will see that you don't get up to too much mischief..... However, if I'm to keep sober, as a Southener I don't do Iron Bru, and can't stand that orange stuff - so tropical spritzers for me please. No offense to the Scots, but haggis?

Love,

Barbara
XXXXXX

Well, if we`re going to be looked after by an "appropriate"adult, I vote we go somewhere really "appropriate" for New Years Eve, or as my Scottish friends call it, Hogmanay.I don`t think Peter Stringfellow was very happy when Julie`s lovely doggy cocked his leg against the pole in the middle of Mary L`s performance, and we can`t risk another fracas anywhere near Harrods or Trafalgar Square.


Eleanor, I can`t remember where we left the baby haggi - was it on the Pleasure Beach?


Barbara, it will be difficult for you to keep sober when no-one else is, but of course that is entirely up to you. However, if I could just give you a word of advice : if Eleanor & Doreen bring some cake and offer it round, whatever you do, do NOT accept a slice, no matter how SPECIAL they tell you it is. You have been warned - they got into awful trouble last time.

Eleanor, I`m really sorry about the reindeer - I think it might have been my flashing antlers that upset them, as well as the snake.

So come on then, where is this next party??


Kathleen x

, so sorry didn't mean to break the clans rules. As long as I don't have to eat haggis or drink Iron Bru then that's OK. If anyone wants to join me as an "Appropriate Adult" they'll have to undergo a rigorous training course facilitated by burly police officers who will check that they can keep the pace, and know how to liaise with my colleagues in the fire service, YES you did read correctly, I have lots of dealings with fireman to assist with helpless ladies in distress stuck-up poles and the like; it's the thongs you know

I will undertake to train at least to more "Appropriate Adult" officers to help me with crowd control on Burns night.

Ooooh! I can liase with the best of them! How soon can I begin training?

Kathleen, can you keep sober?, I'm expected to! As for doctored cake - I have an iron stomach and special forces pills to counteract any adverse effects

What do you think, I'm an old hippie I know all about these lovely little cafes and brownies